In the poem TODAY MY ALARM WENT OFF AT 12:30PM, Mira Gonzalez details the routine of someone struggling with depression and substance use issues. Though short in length, the poem is commanding, doing an impressive job of highlighting the distress that can arise from addiction and mental health issues.

At the start of the poem, Gonzalez narrates how she “stayed in bed for over an hour / look[ing] at things on [her] phone” and she felt “slightly anxious about nothing in particular”. Initially, readers may assume that Gonzalez is simply talking about being depressed or struggling with crippling anxiety. However, the context of the poem shifts when the following lines are introduced:

I asked a person on the internet if I should take drugs /

I took drugs before the person had time to respond

Now, it is apparent that Gonzalez’s struggles exist alongside the presence of substance use issues. Her waking up in the afternoon, scrolling on her phone for hours, and being anxious without any real prompting can all be traced back to her abuse of drugs. Substance use disorder, depression, and anxiety are frequently associated with one another, with co-occurrence happening frequently. Drugs can be used to cope with mental health problems, or substance abuse can actually trigger anxiety and depression in the user. Either way, they often reinforce each other.

Gonzalez also details how she feels about people who try to offer aid:

I feel alienated by people who express concern about me without /

defining their concern in terms of a specific solution or goal

This sentiment reflects on a common experience for those struggling with substance abuse. Oftentimes, the people in their lives will express how concerned or worried they are about them without offering any real solutions for how they should get better. This can feel as if they are chastising the user, criticizing them for their issues instead of trying to guide them towards resources or programs that will help them. Maybe Gonzalez feels as though the people in her life who express concern would rather just make her feel bad for her substance use issues rather than help her break free from the cycle of addiction.

The poem ends with a particularly profound question:

what is the difference between being an independent person /

and being a person who is accepting of loneliness

Oftentimes, mental health issues can bring a profound sense of loneliness. This isolation can further worsen symptoms and bring about more negative effects on someone who is struggling with their mental health. Maybe Gonzalez has told herself that her being lonely is actually just her being independent. However, it seems that she has accepted that her isolation exists in its own unwanted vacuum, far from simply being independent.

Through her concise, direct writing, Gonzalez accomplishes a realistic portrayal of how it is to live with substance use issues. Despite its short length, her point of view comes across clear as day, highlighting a struggle of mental health, addiction, and loneliness.

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