Forgiveness should not be seen nor pushed as a requirement for those healing from trauma. Trauma psychotherapist, Amanda Ann Gregory, delves into this topic in her book ‘You Don’t Need to Forgive’. Her writing highlights the false idea that there is no healing without forgiveness that society often pushes onto trauma survivors.

“Forgiveness is not a panacea. It does not make trauma disappear, nor does it heal all emotional wounds.”

She goes on to explain that in a society where abusers often have a form of systemic privilege, forgiveness does not give the survivor an upperhand. However, many survivors can be made to feel that way. That bestowing their forgiveness onto their abuser is not only a requirement in their healing and their goodness, but something that will put them on the same footing as their abuser.

“Forgiveness will not give you equal power to your offender in a society in which you are systemically oppressed, and they are systemically privileged.”

In her book, Gregory illustrates issues of race and family ties, and how forgiveness can be used as a weapon against the survivor in both these cases. Ultimately, she declares that in trauma recovery, forgiveness should be a choice, not a requirement.

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