Sophie Wagner is a poet and short story author who was first published at the age of 16 with this very piece, “Reclaiming My Life”, through the publishers For Women Who Roar. While she is most well-known for her short horror stories, published by Indie publishers such as The Black Hare Press and Iron Faerie Publishing, she is very passionate about writing poetry on feminist and mental health issues. This intersection of Wagner’s life is expertly expressed in this piece, a commentary on shrinking and struggling to fight back against fatherly abuse and the male gaze.

Too quiet and weak

Do you speak? They ask

Do you ever quit speaking? They ask

You are, and will never be,

Enough

Sit patiently and don’t act up

This stanza reflects the author’s experience with creating and a sense of identity; struggling to find the line between who she is and the type of woman she is expected to be. To this extent, Wagner speaks to losing who she is in the shadow of the patriarchal figure the poem alludes to. Referencing her love of horror here, this stanza follows from the line “sit down quietly and take your medicine pup.” This is a reference to The Shining by Stephen King, a book fraught with claustrophobia, toxic masculinity and the feeling of having no escape.

Close your legs and shut your mouth

Not around him, not while he’s 

In the house

Watch what you wear and watch your poise

A prize, a sculpture

His

So don’t make a noise

This stanza describes entering a state of numbness and hiding who you are to avoid drawing attention to yourself and facing an outburst of anger. It also speaks to a fear of sexualization she experiences within the home and outside of it. Already struggling to balance her true identity with the one she assumes at home, the author is also facing the transition to womanhood and the growing attention to her body. 

But I know it was my fault, giving him my

Power

And I know what must be done

I have to be 

Louder

These lines from the final stanza of the poem show the moment the author realized that she did not have to give away pieces of herself to exist comfortably. Instead, she steps into herself, becoming the woman she was shunned for being. In reclaiming her voice and choosing to believe her life is in her hands alone, she begins to reclaim her life.

To read this poem, follow this link: https://www.forwomenwhoroar.com/poetry/2020/11/17/reclaiming-my-life

To read more of Sophie Wagner’s work, follow this link: https://blackharepress.com/search?q=sophie+wagner&options%5Bprefix%5D=last

Contributing author: Sophie Wagner

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Feature Image: Saint Joan of Arc by Amarianobserver