Rupi Kaur is an award-winning Canadian poet and illustrator who has written several books. Some of her most prominent works include milk and honey, the sun and her flowers, and home body. Her poetry covers a wide range of topics, including mental health, feminist perspectives, her experience as an immigrant, and rape culture. Kaur’s work has inspired a lifelong love of poetry in me and provided a safe space in my darkest moments. Choosing a favourite piece would be impossible, but one poem that really stood out to me is “home”, which can be found in the book the sun and her flowers. This poem details a rape by a family friend and feeling like your body no longer belongs to you.

“ i asked where we were going

you asked if i was afraid

my voice threw itself over the edge of my throat

landed at the bottom of my belly and hid for months

all the different parts of me

turned the lights off

shut the blinds

locked the doors

while i hid at the back of some

upstairs closet of my mind…”

In this verse, Kaur describes the defence mechanism many survivors use to cope with the trauma of sexual assault: compartmentalization and retreating into oneself. While removing oneself from the experience can be a helpful coping mechanism at first, leaving the safety of the dissociation can be a painful process, as acceptance can come with reliving the event. Kaur continues by likening the assault to a home invasion; a defiling of her safe space, her soul’s home. Her existence no longer feels like it is hers, but something owned by the perpetrator. In an attempt to save what is left of her, she begins to shut down.

“this home is now empty

no gas

no electricity

no running water

the food is rotten…

call the electrician

my eyes won’t light up” 

Self-blame tends to be one of the most prolific yet difficult feelings to overcome after a traumatic experience. Survivors often wonder if they could have done something different to avoid the assault, replaying it over and over in their minds, sometimes convincing themselves that they “asked for it”. Realizing that you are not to blame for another person’s actions is a huge part of the healing journey, and Kaur could not have explained such a difficult process better:

“i cant blame myself for having a hole 

the size of your manhood in my chest anymore

it’s too heavy to carry your guilt–i’m setting it down

i’m tired of decorating my place with your shame

as if it belongs to me

it’s too much to walk around with

what your hands have done

if it’s not my hands that have done it”

Being a stranger in your body is a common experience for survivors, but it does not have to stay that way. Kaur concludes by using the metaphor of cleaning her home to describe reclaiming her body; ridding it of everything that isn’t her and reassuring herself that she doesn’t have to live in a state of hypervigilance anymore. She can finally be at peace with herself.

To read more of Rupi Kaur’s work, check out her website: https://rupikaur.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoojOHElINJBjQV2-ZhPX5_Kglf7kg20l2VZxUlVYdAwczumLCnr

To listen to this poem and see a Ted Talk on reclaiming your body by Rupi Kaur, use the following link: https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=5dca0e6f8aa8611e&rlz=1C5MACD_enCA10

Contributing author: Sophie Wagner

Image Credit:

Feature Image: https://thenav.ca/arts/life-as-art-rupi-kaur/