Children Born of Rape Face a Painful Legacy
A friend of mine once told me that she was the product of her mother’s rape. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered aloud, “Which are the rapist’s parts?”
Although rape is profoundly traumatic, relatively little has been said about the lives of children born from it.
As psychologist Andrew Solomon writes in his book, Far From the Tree, children conceived of rape are more likely to suffer from severe psychological disorders, the most common of which are Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and anxiety.
They face many challenges both before and after birth. Research shows that maternal stress severely affects embryological development. Many women who are raped opt to take antidepressants to help them cope, which can harm the fetus.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 32,000 pregnancies in the United States occur each year as a result of rape, approximately 12,000 of which are carried to term and raised by their birth mothers.
After birth, the children’s lives don’t get any easier. Researchers Elisa van Ee and Rolf J. Kleber identified the post-partum period as a significant mental health risk for children born of rape.
These children often develop poor parent-child relationships, as violent rape can affect maternal capacity to care for the child and to form a loving bond. Researchers report that such circumstances may lead to abusive parenting or neglect. The children themselves may also feel responsible for their fathers’ actions, living in guilt and embarrassment. As Angélique, a child born as a result of rape, states in a Montreal Gazette report:
“I’ve always felt rejected by my mother and the rest of the family. And now she feels responsible for the problems I’m having, and I feel guilty about that.”
Children born of rape also face great social stigma. They are described as carriers of the deviant genes, and are often ostracized by families and communities. In instances occurring during wartime, many societies have adopted hateful labels such as “Russian brat” in Germany, “Devil’s children” in Rwanda, “Children of shame” in East Timor, “Monster babies” in Nicaragua, and “Dust of life” in Vietnam.
Yet many mothers are starting to speak out against the negative perceptions and stigma associated with children of rape. One of these mothers, Shauna Prewitt, claims that women are almost never consulted in media shaming of rape conception.
Even more noticeable is the growing voice of the children of rape themselves. The world’s attention was recently drawn to Valerie Gatto, a child of rape who competed for the title of Miss USA in June, 2014. She now works to educate young women about protecting themselves from sexual assault.
Without change to media and public perceptions, women will continue to face scrutiny over choosing to keep their children, and the children themselves will continue to be blamed and victimized.
– Sara Bencekovic, Contributing Writer
Feature: W H on Flickr, Creative Commons
First: Tommy Wong on Flickr, Creative Commons
Second: Skip on Flickr, Creative Commons
Thank you for this fine article. I’m in my 60s, and I just learned I too, am a product of rape. I was given up for adoption, which I am very grateful for. But, I still suffered from rejection issues most of my life.
2 years ago, at the age of 53 I learned I was conceived by an act of rape.
Very troubling to learn of, it shed light on so many things from childhood to current.
My biological mother and her husband raised me (If you want to call it that).
There are so many aspects that are born into this, I cannot possibly post it all here.
It certainly has not been a “loving” life. Although, I find myself always striving for just that.
Although very incomplete, I thank you for the article.
Many Blessings
How do we get pass the fact that,my mother had to take care of me by herself,his parents and my grandparents got together,and decided not to ruin his life,but never did anything for me,I grew up with a stepdad,that beat the hell out of me daily,his people telling me,go away,I didn’t belong etc,etc,
I’m a product of a rape. That women was raped at 12 or 13 yrs old. Her grandma took away her baby cuz of what people would say.
She grew up with her great grandma until her aunt, mad at her, revealed the truth trying to hurt her. What she didn’t know is that the product of rape was strong and made of stone that made her stronger!!! I’m a mom of 4 precious boys – their my life!!! I don’t have communication with any of my family, pretty much I don’t have any family besides my boys!!! I was 13 when I found out no one knew. I won’t ever tell anyone cuz I feel I’ll break !!!
My son was conceived as a result of rape. I don’t know how to protect him. He is 3 now. I don’t know what to tell him when he grows up.
While my mother was pregnant (before my birth), her boyfriend killed himself. I considered this man my father and I dealt with guilt of his death for 25 years, for I somehow felt responsible.
A man approched my mother with questions about me at her work. Memories returned to her of this guy giving her a ride home after her friend’s wedding. She realized this man drug raped her and he alone had known I was his child. We did the dna tests and unfortunatly this man was my father. This jerk waited until I was an adult to contact us; because he had talked to a lawyer and didn’t want to get in trouble and have to pay childsupport. This was almost 15 years ago now.
I am a bastard and it’s made me stronger, but I give no credit to the devil that spawned me.
I am currently facing the same thing Shelley! I have an 8 year old little boy. I’ve been dreading it and thinking about what I can tell him since the day he was born. I’m still none the wise.. but I do know that when the time comes to tell him, I’ll have my best friend by my side to help.
Just told I was conceived by rape. Life has been very hard, I am devastated.
I’m 51 and just found out several months ago. I have the same problems as the article says with depression, anxiety etc. So much crap and mystery makes sense now! My mother (who had the balance of a pro water skier) said she “fell” off a horse at seven months, the only “attempt” she’s admitted to. My problem…dealing with it NOW, I’m very conflicted and more self loathing than ever.
I recently found out the same for myself. Why do you feel sorry for yourselves? We didn’t endure the pain and trauma that our mothers did. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel a little sorry for each other considering the circumstances. When I recently learned about this I initially sank into my passenger seat. I didn’t hear it from my mother either I heard it from my sister and I’m sorry but to those mothers who are scared to tell their children, why tell them? You’re not protecting them from anything by telling them and you might confuse preconceived notions of their own existence like some of us have. I love my mother and I’m gonna make it up to her the best I can by being a caring and responsible son that she can depend on because I don’t want her to regret anything that happened to her or to suffer from anything to that extent. Much love people.
I am so devistated for this topic. My 9 yr olds dad, found out he was born of rape from his mom who died of cancer. I had been in the family with him for 14 years, and 5 severe breakups.i get it now how he was treated by a stepdad long ago, but his mom didn’t stop the abuse on him. And he in turn, abused me and we are again, apart. I just wanted to seek websites to make sense of this. My thoughts are with all that suffer this truth. Thanks
I am 17 and I found out I was conceived by rape because the man I grew up thinking was my father left. I don’t know how to feel..hurt? Confused? I dont know.. I’m just glad I have a good support system.
My father, now 71 years old, is a child conceived through rape. As a young man, he learned that his father was his mom’s first cousin.
I learned of this as a teen. Now 47, I have found my father’s half siblings and made contact. They never knew of my dad’s existence. Shocking for them to learn their father was a rapist
I am 45 I never met my father. I just found out today that my father raped my mother. I am only here because I was born in 1972. I am not sure how to feel about what I just learned. I kind of wish I didn’t know.
To the 45 year-old. I too am 45 born in 72 and found out the same thing several years ago. My father and I never met either. I am also really confused at how to feel. I read your post trying to recall if I’d posted earlier and forgot. #Not alone
My sister is 63 and was a product of rape. my mother was 19 at the time and it was in the mid 50s and you didn’t talk about it. she was forced to keep her baby and she never fully accepted my sister. her father went to prison for other issues and my own father adopted her however, my sister has a deep-rooted knowledge she was never wanted, she has psychological problems she’s bipolar from her father’s side,and because of not having that bond with y mother, she’s made wrong choices in life because… The list goes on… it’s very sad. now that my mother is gone, she has gotten worse. and I wonder till this day, does she actually know how she was conceived…….. maybe if she knew that would answer a lot of questions for her because it sure does answer a lot of questions for me!
I found out at the age of 17 that I was a product of rape. I was blessed that my mother met and married a wonderful man who accepted me wholly and loved me as his own child. It may have been easier for all of us as dad met mom when I was 3 months old. My biological father was raised in the same town as my mother and they went to high school together. He came from a good family, but had the reputation of being a ladies man, and wild. He gave mom a ride home from a school dance and raped her in the car. My heart breaks for her, as she was a virgin and became pregnant from that horrible incident. I am so BLESSED that my mother and her family LOVED me in spite of the circumstances of my conception. I am normal, successful and well adapted without any mental issues. It may be that it is because I was loved unconditionally by all in my family and they never treated me differently than my other “younger” siblings. My mother told me that I was one of the best things that ever happened to her and she was grateful that God gave me to her. I do feel the need to be perfect and to do everything that I can to make-up to my wonderful mother for the horrible thing that happened to her; and my heart breaks for the torment that she went through during that time period. I learned recently that she had to go before the church to confess her sin of having a child out-of-wedlock and I think of how heartbreaking it was for her to do so knowing that it was not a case of choosing to do so; but a case of rape. They should have given her honor for allowing me to be born. I’m grateful to God for allowing me to be here and my intent is to make the best life that I can. To my fellow sister and brother conceived by rape; please know that we are NOT mistakes. God above gave us LIFE and allowed us to be here. I know that it can be hard and I may be an exception because of the love of my family; but know that GOD loves you and allowed you to come into this world. Take care and know that you are not alone!!!!!
I’m 44 and was just told I was conceived by rape from a known family associate. As a child I was told that my mother had an affair with a man whom was married to her best friend, my mother and this man had an affair and that was how I came to be. Now just two days ago I was told that this man forced my mother to have sex and that’s how I was concerived. I’m so in a fog right now. I digested that I was conceived by an adulterous relationship but now after 44 years my mother tells me that all these years people lied to me and I was conceived from rape from this man. OMG.. but I think I could have handled that as I continue on the same day my mother tells me that when she was having me I was breeched and the doctors came in and said to her that one of us would not make it. And if that be the case who would she want to save.. she said herself… my mother told me never wanted me. All my life I had been treated badly .. too much to write. Please pray for my weeping spirit
Everyday since I found out that my mother was raped, I think about the pain and trauma that she carried. She told me when I was 12 that my father was not my blood. Then, she told me at 15 that she conceived me through a date rape. She was 17 going on 18. He was 35. What a perv.
I was born in 1975. I’m sure it was much tougher and scarier to tell anyone. It’s 2018 and people still don’t want to believe a woman was actually raped. I know that he had two sons at the time. And I’ve been itching to find out my medical history and curious to know what my biological looks like.
Yet, I’m afraid that if I did find them, they’d be a family of criminals. Definitely don’t want any unwanted people around me!
I just gave birth three weeks ago to a beautiful boy conceived from rape. My heart breaks for the pain he will have to endure when he learns of how he got here. The choice I am left with now is either lose my husband and keep my child or keep my husband and lose my child. How can I make the right decision? What is the right decision? How can I protect his sweet little heart from pain? I am lost and broken.
I was the victim of sexual abuse by an acquaintance of the family. I was only 13 when my daughter was born. She was given up for adoption 53 years ago. I’ve always wanted to make a connection with her but court records were sealed, and I thought I should not disturb her life. She found me recently when state laws were changed to allow adoptees access to court records. Understandably she was not prepared and distraught to learn the circumstances of her birth but contacted me anyway. We both hope for a positive relationship- I’m at a loss to ease the pain of her discovery.
Thank you very much for this article, it was very helpful. I am 33 and I learned about 3 months ago that I was conceived by rape while my 2 year old sister was present.
I am 34 and just found out I am a product of rape. It all makes sense now all of the disconnect from my mother and now the question is answered why she gave me away but kept my siblings. Now I can understand why she threatened to drown me at age 1 if a family member didn’t take me. It never made sense the hate she could have for me. Now after meeting my mom as a grown up she left and said she was afraid of me. I never understood this as I’m not a violent or scary person but now I get it. I look just like my biological father. I’m sure that scared the life out of her. Thanks for the article.
The thing to remember is that we are victims,too. The act of rape by our”paternals,”gives us mothers and then takes them from (too many of us) at the same time. There is no hel greater, I feel, than living with a woman who feels she has the legitimate right to destroy you. We then have to turn around and be treated badly by others..
No. We didn’t do anything wrong.
Thank you for the article. Especially thank all for the comments, I’m not alone. I have learned that I’m a result of the rape when I was 53. I’m trying to find my biological father, my mother can’t help me with that. It is good just to know and read, that there are more people who can understand my feeling.
I was rapped at 15 by the woman’s brother I was babysitting for
I love my daughter but really I was to young to be a mother
I carried so much shame feeling it was my fault I didn’t tell anyone until 4 years ago I didn’t want people to label her .but she does have some of the mental problems you mentioned here .no I wasn’t the best mother but I love her and would go through it again just to be her mom .i had no other children I was afraid she would be mistreated if I did
I can’t find a support group. An online support group for adults who were born from rape. I need to talk to someone else. Especially with all this abortion stuff coming up. I’m so triggered. Anybody else
https://rcclv.org/support-groups/
All the women on here seeking help, I’m so proud of you. You are reaching out for self care and you are strong. Remember that it’s not all of you and that you have every right to feel scared. I’ve had a hard few days too but there is far more good in the world than evil. Love.
Thank you for posting this article!! I’ve felt so alone for the past two years. I learned 2 years ago at the ago of 48 that I am a product of rape. It has rocked my spirit and I started questioning every aspect of my life. My mother was 14 and the guy was a family friend. Two years ago my father passed away was when she told me. My father was the one that raped her and she allowed me to chase after him all my life. He was never there for me growing up. Every time he would come to town I’d go running for a chance to see him. No matter how much I tell myself I am I’m going to get through it, the feels of worthless and unloving and rejection won’t leave me alone. I’m happily married to someone who loves me unconditionally and I feel myself pulling away from him. I’ve distanced myself from friends and stopped volunteering. There are no support groups to go to where people can truly understand how I’m feeling. I’m turning 50 this year and I am on a mission to get help and to provide help to others. One day at a time…I will survive
This was extremely helpful and needed. I just found out Wednesday I am a product of rape by my mother. Well she confirmed it in an angry rant. She mentioned it once before again angrily but I was sure. I was ok with her anger because I’ve come to be use to that. I was not okay with being a profit of something and someone I am not like at all. Thanks for all the stories. It helped me realize I am not alone and we are not our sperm donors.